Friday, 31 July 2015

Everything Is Changing.

So I've decided it's probably time to write a post on what's been going on lately as my presence on my blog and channel has been limited lately. I've been going through some huge changes in my life recently and just haven't really had the time to sit down and relax and lose myself in all this.
So university didn't go as I planned at all, from the beginning I became very depressed, alone and anxious and instead of getting stuck into my studies; locked myself in my room and distanced myself from everyone and everything. By Christmas I'd decided it really wasn't for me and planned not to return in the new year. Unfortunately, I did a lot better than I had thought I would in my exams which motivated me to continue my course. However, in this time I also lost my grandma. After a few weeks I fell back into my 'I really don't care anymore' outlook and in this time my grandad also became very ill and sadly also passed away on my 21st birthday. During this time I accepted a job offer in my university town and I think if it wasn't for that, I would have completely lost all hope in my life.
The weeks after all this made me realise I needed to reassess my life, my attitude towards things and what I really wanted. I spent as little time at home as possible as I knew I really needed to gain some independence. I was very unhappy and let this heavily affect my relationship as things weren't perfect already. I decided to end things with my long-term fiancĂ© and concentrate on getting back on track with university and sorting myself out financially. With everything that had already occurred, this was a very sad time for me and I genuinely can't remember much of that time as it was too painful to not just delete this memory from my mind.
So where has all this left me? With a lot of full time working over summer, a failed first year at university with LOADS of retakes and still in the pittance of my overdraft. I'm not quite sure what I'm planning to do with my life in the near future but I've battled my anxiety and depression demons fiercely and feel more adult and able to deal with difficult situations than I've ever been and I couldn't be prouder of myself. Sorry if you've been waiting for me to post things, I've had a few messages asking where I've been. Just bare with me, I plan to come back bigger and better than ever.
Thanks for your patience and support, I love you all.

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